Mamas, I had a wonderful talk with my oldest daughter today about science of all things. She described the joy and excitement she found as she got to experiment with electricity and magnets in her fourth grade classroom. She shared how fun it was to be allowed to make a mess with calcite and minerals as they studied rocks.
Then she said the following: "Sometimes it seems like adults pick things for kids to do based on how easy it is to clean up."
Hhmmm....I think she's on to something.
The electricity unit required batteries, wires, wrapping things around other things, placing a metal strip here or there and lots and lots of patience from the teacher. Rocks required messy minerals and calcite in powder form (is there any worse thing to work with when kids are involved...powder, really???), water, things to measure and stir with, and lots and lots of patience from the teacher.
But, she was elated. She was ecstatic. She was excited to learn more about science. She's excited to see what is coming next! She is making messy memories!
Mamas, these kiddos want to make a mess every now and and it's up to us to ENcourage it and not DIScourage it. I'm not talking about the aggravating messes (spilled milk, for example. And, YES, I really have cried over spilled milk!). I'm talking about crafts, paint and the dreaded playdoh! Yes, I also hate using a toothpick to get all that drying playdoh out of all of those little holes!
When we apply patience to the situation, we can make memories with our kids when we are willing to let them make a mess. They learn responsibility by helping to clean it up!
Done with the right attitude, "making a mess" can turn a very difficult behavior day into a memory filled day as we both distract and engage our kids!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Disheveled Man's Book Review
I don't know about you, but I really appreciate a good book review. There are many places to get book reviews:
1. Friends
2. Family
3. Favorite Magazine
4. Book Review Journal (I would be impressed with anyone who actually uses this method!)
5. Internet
6. Spying on what others are reading while waiting for kids' activities or doctor appointments
7. A Disheveled Man
Wait, Disheveled Man...what in the world am I talking about? Read on...
It was about the year 2000 and I was working at a Christian bookstore. Now I was used to people asking me if I had read the book they were holding. Of course, they were hoping to hear a personal review that would make them feel better about parting with the money that seemed very content in their wallet.
There were also times where people decided that the store was their own personal book club hoping to entertain us for blocks of time with a detailed synopsis of their book and how we should be sure it was the next book we would read. Usually, these customers were women, in their 30's or early 40's, with kids, who were just enjoying some adult conversation wherever they could get it! (I didn't get that concept then as a married without kids 20-something, but I get it now!)
And then there was the day the Disheveled Man came in. Unkempt in his appearance, he began to speak to me about a book. A book that changed his life and, no, it was not the Bible. He had a different book in mind. He said to me, "This book changed my life. If you are ever looking for a book to change your life, this is the one you should get." The book he was referring to was "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson.
I didn't give this man or his book any more thought once he left the store. Other than his scraggly appearance, there was nothing unusual about customers recommending their books to the employees of the store.
Well, about 3 years later, my life was in crises. I had come to grips with the fact that I had an anger problem that needed to be addressed. Anger was affecting my life in many ways. I began to go to Christian counseling. While I was going through counseling, the Disheveled Man was brought back to mind and, unbelievably, I actually remembered the title to the book! I read this book - and it did change my life.
I will never know for sure, but I must tell you that I wonder if I met an angel that day. So unassuming, so easy to castoff in my mind, so easy to unintentionally throw into a stereotype of a less-than-review-worthy person. Yet, it was THIS person that I remembered 3 years later. It was the book that HE suggested that I was so easily able to recall. It was THIS book that God used to jump start the changes that so desperately needed to happen.
This is not to say that this book is more life-changing than the Bible. That can never and will never be true. Rather, this book is filled with Scripture. I was unable to apply the Bible to my life in the ways necessary to evoke change. This book used Scripture to make the point.
The point is this: If our identity is in Christ, then if all else is stripped away, we will be fine. We will be better than fine - we will be blessed and filled and over-flowing with the Holy Spirit! We will experience love. We will experience joy. We will experience peace. We will experience patience. We will experience kindness. We will experience goodness. We will experience faithfulness. We will experience gentleness. We will experience self-control.
This is an area that I have to consciously ask God to help me with: keeping my identity in Christ. It is so easy to believe that life will rule our Christ. That we will do what we want in life and He can have full reign over what is left - if there is anything left at all. The only way it works is to have Christ rule our life.
No matter what happens in life, Christ is ruling my life. I must submit to Him. I must be obedient to Him. I must have faith that He will do what He promises to do: Love me, care for me, keep me safe and secure in His arms, show me His plans for my life which include plans to give me a hope a future.
1. Friends
2. Family
3. Favorite Magazine
4. Book Review Journal (I would be impressed with anyone who actually uses this method!)
5. Internet
6. Spying on what others are reading while waiting for kids' activities or doctor appointments
7. A Disheveled Man
Wait, Disheveled Man...what in the world am I talking about? Read on...
It was about the year 2000 and I was working at a Christian bookstore. Now I was used to people asking me if I had read the book they were holding. Of course, they were hoping to hear a personal review that would make them feel better about parting with the money that seemed very content in their wallet.
There were also times where people decided that the store was their own personal book club hoping to entertain us for blocks of time with a detailed synopsis of their book and how we should be sure it was the next book we would read. Usually, these customers were women, in their 30's or early 40's, with kids, who were just enjoying some adult conversation wherever they could get it! (I didn't get that concept then as a married without kids 20-something, but I get it now!)
And then there was the day the Disheveled Man came in. Unkempt in his appearance, he began to speak to me about a book. A book that changed his life and, no, it was not the Bible. He had a different book in mind. He said to me, "This book changed my life. If you are ever looking for a book to change your life, this is the one you should get." The book he was referring to was "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson.
I didn't give this man or his book any more thought once he left the store. Other than his scraggly appearance, there was nothing unusual about customers recommending their books to the employees of the store.
Well, about 3 years later, my life was in crises. I had come to grips with the fact that I had an anger problem that needed to be addressed. Anger was affecting my life in many ways. I began to go to Christian counseling. While I was going through counseling, the Disheveled Man was brought back to mind and, unbelievably, I actually remembered the title to the book! I read this book - and it did change my life.
I will never know for sure, but I must tell you that I wonder if I met an angel that day. So unassuming, so easy to castoff in my mind, so easy to unintentionally throw into a stereotype of a less-than-review-worthy person. Yet, it was THIS person that I remembered 3 years later. It was the book that HE suggested that I was so easily able to recall. It was THIS book that God used to jump start the changes that so desperately needed to happen.
This is not to say that this book is more life-changing than the Bible. That can never and will never be true. Rather, this book is filled with Scripture. I was unable to apply the Bible to my life in the ways necessary to evoke change. This book used Scripture to make the point.
The point is this: If our identity is in Christ, then if all else is stripped away, we will be fine. We will be better than fine - we will be blessed and filled and over-flowing with the Holy Spirit! We will experience love. We will experience joy. We will experience peace. We will experience patience. We will experience kindness. We will experience goodness. We will experience faithfulness. We will experience gentleness. We will experience self-control.
This is an area that I have to consciously ask God to help me with: keeping my identity in Christ. It is so easy to believe that life will rule our Christ. That we will do what we want in life and He can have full reign over what is left - if there is anything left at all. The only way it works is to have Christ rule our life.
No matter what happens in life, Christ is ruling my life. I must submit to Him. I must be obedient to Him. I must have faith that He will do what He promises to do: Love me, care for me, keep me safe and secure in His arms, show me His plans for my life which include plans to give me a hope a future.
Mamas, we must have faith and believe that He is who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do!
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Galatians 5:22-23a
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, self-control;
I Need a Bandaid!
"I Need a Bandaid" could easily be up for consideration for the motto that best reflects childhood. Why is that? Think about it. That short sentence sums up these things about this young time of life:
1. Kids often get hurt when they play
2. Kids are dramatic
3. Kids' problems are often easily fixed
4. Kids take risks - often unwise risks
5. Kids lie many times or at the very least exaggerate the truth
6. Kids crave attention
7. Kids are excellent communicators
8. Kids are great at persuasive speech (whining/increasing drama till they were us down)
9. Kids require and demand love
I have put bandaids on marker stains, ketchup stains and other mysterious reddish-colored stains on fingers, knees, toes, and even faces. Yes, there have even been a few instances where I have put bandaids over real blood. Not a gush of blood, thankfully, but a mere drop or two of blood.
Sometimes even the incessant requests for bandaids can put us mothers over the edge. Sure, putting bandages on knees is tender and sweet for awhile. But very shortly, it becomes aggravating because in order for the child to get the bandaid, I need to stop what I am doing and go to where I am not and put a bandaid on an ouchie that usually doesn't exist. The whole thing is maddening - to me, at least!
But, if I am willing to stop, get the bandaids and apply it to the marker stain that the child is convinced is a life-ending injury, I will receive a gift. A gift of love. A hug. A kiss. That easily, I am able to fill a need for my child.
Mama, I don't know about you, but I love unexpected gifts!
Are we mamas really so different? I don't know about you, but I need Jesus' love shown to me if I even think I'm hurting. Maybe I have a speck of hurt and bad feelings because I feel that I could have handled a situation with my kids in a better way. Maybe I have the stain of guilt for being impatient with their childish antics. Maybe I'm hurt - the deep, down with staying power kind of hurt, because I feel defeated at parenting on a particular day.
Mamas, what is wonderful about Jesus is that He will consistently apply His bandaid of love for us every time. We don't have to whine, we don't have to beg, we don't have to prove to Him that our injury is real. Real or not, Jesus will love us so that we can heal. Heal our hearts. Heal our lack of confidence. Heal our lack of patience. Heal our anger.
Mamas, isn't it wonderful to sit back and be loved? If Jesus is your personal Savior, it is happening right now!
1. Kids often get hurt when they play
2. Kids are dramatic
3. Kids' problems are often easily fixed
4. Kids take risks - often unwise risks
5. Kids lie many times or at the very least exaggerate the truth
6. Kids crave attention
7. Kids are excellent communicators
8. Kids are great at persuasive speech (whining/increasing drama till they were us down)
9. Kids require and demand love
I have put bandaids on marker stains, ketchup stains and other mysterious reddish-colored stains on fingers, knees, toes, and even faces. Yes, there have even been a few instances where I have put bandaids over real blood. Not a gush of blood, thankfully, but a mere drop or two of blood.
Sometimes even the incessant requests for bandaids can put us mothers over the edge. Sure, putting bandages on knees is tender and sweet for awhile. But very shortly, it becomes aggravating because in order for the child to get the bandaid, I need to stop what I am doing and go to where I am not and put a bandaid on an ouchie that usually doesn't exist. The whole thing is maddening - to me, at least!
But, if I am willing to stop, get the bandaids and apply it to the marker stain that the child is convinced is a life-ending injury, I will receive a gift. A gift of love. A hug. A kiss. That easily, I am able to fill a need for my child.
Mama, I don't know about you, but I love unexpected gifts!
Are we mamas really so different? I don't know about you, but I need Jesus' love shown to me if I even think I'm hurting. Maybe I have a speck of hurt and bad feelings because I feel that I could have handled a situation with my kids in a better way. Maybe I have the stain of guilt for being impatient with their childish antics. Maybe I'm hurt - the deep, down with staying power kind of hurt, because I feel defeated at parenting on a particular day.
Mamas, what is wonderful about Jesus is that He will consistently apply His bandaid of love for us every time. We don't have to whine, we don't have to beg, we don't have to prove to Him that our injury is real. Real or not, Jesus will love us so that we can heal. Heal our hearts. Heal our lack of confidence. Heal our lack of patience. Heal our anger.
Mamas, isn't it wonderful to sit back and be loved? If Jesus is your personal Savior, it is happening right now!
Psalm 103:8
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Pulling Teeth
New moms spend much time (I know I did) examining the mouth of their baby looking for signs of the first tooth. I think that may be why babies cry so much. The crying causes the mouth to open wide allowing Dentist Mommy a much easier time to check on those elusive pearly whites. After a while, that one bump on the gum turns into a tooth and before you know it you're looking at a full set of beautifully new teeth!
After the baby/toddler stage/preschool stage, things began to change. These teeth stop looking so exciting and begin to make sounds that sound a lot like a cash register; in fact, there have been times looking at my kids teeth that they began to talk and I swear I heard the sound of the "credit card receipt rip" coming from their mouths!
If things go well, around age 5 or 6 those pearly whites begin to fall out on their own. It's at this stage that Snaggletooth and Bucky begin to seem like more appropriate names, but being good and kind mothers, we would never say that...out loud!
Well, as I said, if things go well. Our 2nd daughter was patiently waiting at age 6 1/2 to lose her first tooth. It had seemed loose (or at least had SOME give) for so long, but just wouldn't take the big plunge. But her day finally came. Now TOOTH #1 was really, really loose. What to do.
Of course, being a bit squeemish, I really dislike the idea of offering assistance in such a situation. Not pulling a tooth out of another human being's mouth was #156 on my list of things I simply would NEVER do when I was a parent! Thankfully, our daughter is fairly independent minded and didn't want my help anyway! She had another plan.
We were getting home from vacation and Mr. Dangle Tooth was still hanging around. We pulled in the garage after a 2-week vacation, at 8p.m. at night, and she scampered inside and upstairs. Very tired, I looked up the stairs and locked eyes on impending insanity. She was coming down with her Nerf Gun and a big, big, Snaggletooth grin asking if I knew where to find string.
Oh no, she wouldn't...
Oh yes, she would!
Since her tooth was everything but out anyway, we complied with her plan. You guessed it, one end of the string was tied to the nerf dart, one end of the string was tied to her tooth and....WHAMMO....the tooth was shot about 8 feet into the middle of the room! Success!!
Cheering, happy squeals and a 10 minute game of family scavenger hunt to find the tooth ensued!
Sometimes we just have to let them do the unthinkable (when it's safe to do so!) because, after all, they will be adults soon enough and will be thinking too much all the time then.
Mamas, saying no so often to our children can be more out of habit than out of necessity. Are there more ways to add YES to your child's day?
I'm not saying nerf-dart tooth pulling should occur in every home. Frankly, I can't believe it happened in mine!
After the baby/toddler stage/preschool stage, things began to change. These teeth stop looking so exciting and begin to make sounds that sound a lot like a cash register; in fact, there have been times looking at my kids teeth that they began to talk and I swear I heard the sound of the "credit card receipt rip" coming from their mouths!
If things go well, around age 5 or 6 those pearly whites begin to fall out on their own. It's at this stage that Snaggletooth and Bucky begin to seem like more appropriate names, but being good and kind mothers, we would never say that...out loud!
Well, as I said, if things go well. Our 2nd daughter was patiently waiting at age 6 1/2 to lose her first tooth. It had seemed loose (or at least had SOME give) for so long, but just wouldn't take the big plunge. But her day finally came. Now TOOTH #1 was really, really loose. What to do.
Of course, being a bit squeemish, I really dislike the idea of offering assistance in such a situation. Not pulling a tooth out of another human being's mouth was #156 on my list of things I simply would NEVER do when I was a parent! Thankfully, our daughter is fairly independent minded and didn't want my help anyway! She had another plan.
We were getting home from vacation and Mr. Dangle Tooth was still hanging around. We pulled in the garage after a 2-week vacation, at 8p.m. at night, and she scampered inside and upstairs. Very tired, I looked up the stairs and locked eyes on impending insanity. She was coming down with her Nerf Gun and a big, big, Snaggletooth grin asking if I knew where to find string.
Oh no, she wouldn't...
Oh yes, she would!
Since her tooth was everything but out anyway, we complied with her plan. You guessed it, one end of the string was tied to the nerf dart, one end of the string was tied to her tooth and....WHAMMO....the tooth was shot about 8 feet into the middle of the room! Success!!
Cheering, happy squeals and a 10 minute game of family scavenger hunt to find the tooth ensued!
Sometimes we just have to let them do the unthinkable (when it's safe to do so!) because, after all, they will be adults soon enough and will be thinking too much all the time then.
Mamas, saying no so often to our children can be more out of habit than out of necessity. Are there more ways to add YES to your child's day?
I'm not saying nerf-dart tooth pulling should occur in every home. Frankly, I can't believe it happened in mine!
Grace - the keyword for calming mama
There are some words that we use just because they fit real good in our sentences. Let's take ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing). I have never, ever, without a doubt, for sure, definitely ever laughed so hard that I was rolling on the floor laughing. I mean it's bad enough that my kids spent their 1st year rolling on the floor. Is this really a habit I want to continue in my house? Do I really want to come in contact with crushed up food, cat hair, bunny hair and the mystery kid stain just because I want to laugh? Uh...no. But you will find me writing ROFL on a Facebook post as I tell the world this hilarious thing my child did that I knew they just had to know about so that they could have their turn rolling on their pet fur, rolling over their old Doritos and mopping up their kid's mystery stain with their shirt as they roll on the floor laughing.
Grace is another one of those words. A word we use because it's really easy to fit it in a sentence and we actually look very, very good when we use it. A win-win, right? Well, maybe. Do we know what it means? Do we mean what we say when we use it?
Grace means giving someone something they don't deserve. Or, giving someone a break when they don't actually deserve to get that free pass. Normally our thought is something like this: Someone did something to me and now they have consequences.
With kids this gets hard because kids need consequences - consistent consequences. So, to start, it may be better to apply grace to others in your life (besides your children) until it becomes clear how to use it. Not to discipline children because you always want to show them grace (which seems real nice!) can greatly impact your parenting.
Mama, if we start with showing grace to our husbands our marriages will strengthen and our hearts will soften. Our husbands will be surprised when grace replaces anger at not getting the honey-do list done quickly enough (for us), not getting our oil changed on time and a myriad of other little things that become wedges in our marriages. Start small with applying grace. Get used to how it feels. Get used to to the wonderful reactions you will get from your spouse - after they figure out that this change is for real. Change because you love them and NOT because you are trying to butter them up for something!
I have been riding on a bus (not a real bus, come on mama, get another cup of coffee!) with "GRACE" on the side as I have journeyed out of anger these past 7 years. I've been surprised at the stops this bus has made. It has traveled to my past. It's traveled through my attitudes. It's busted through the road block of pride. GRACE had a destination in mind - Jesus. Grace drove me to Jesus. I finally took the time to think about the grace I've been receiving ever since I asked Jesus into my heart.
I've done some bad stuff - mostly with my attitude - over the years. Pride has been an issue for me at times. Too high expectations for others has been a recurring theme. But, when I asked Jesus into my heart, He has wiped that slate clean from anything I have ever done wrong - and ever will do. He extended grace to me. He took my sins on Himself, so that I can be without sin. He didn't deserve to die on that cross. I don't deserve to have a clean slate. Jesus is Grace, perfect Grace.
God will give us grace, so that we will have it in abundance to give to others. I love that promise!
We're not in a grace competition with Jesus. Jesus just wants us to start. So let's start today to show grace to others. They might just end up so delighted that they ROFL!
Grace is another one of those words. A word we use because it's really easy to fit it in a sentence and we actually look very, very good when we use it. A win-win, right? Well, maybe. Do we know what it means? Do we mean what we say when we use it?
Grace means giving someone something they don't deserve. Or, giving someone a break when they don't actually deserve to get that free pass. Normally our thought is something like this: Someone did something to me and now they have consequences.
With kids this gets hard because kids need consequences - consistent consequences. So, to start, it may be better to apply grace to others in your life (besides your children) until it becomes clear how to use it. Not to discipline children because you always want to show them grace (which seems real nice!) can greatly impact your parenting.
Mama, if we start with showing grace to our husbands our marriages will strengthen and our hearts will soften. Our husbands will be surprised when grace replaces anger at not getting the honey-do list done quickly enough (for us), not getting our oil changed on time and a myriad of other little things that become wedges in our marriages. Start small with applying grace. Get used to how it feels. Get used to to the wonderful reactions you will get from your spouse - after they figure out that this change is for real. Change because you love them and NOT because you are trying to butter them up for something!
I have been riding on a bus (not a real bus, come on mama, get another cup of coffee!) with "GRACE" on the side as I have journeyed out of anger these past 7 years. I've been surprised at the stops this bus has made. It has traveled to my past. It's traveled through my attitudes. It's busted through the road block of pride. GRACE had a destination in mind - Jesus. Grace drove me to Jesus. I finally took the time to think about the grace I've been receiving ever since I asked Jesus into my heart.
I've done some bad stuff - mostly with my attitude - over the years. Pride has been an issue for me at times. Too high expectations for others has been a recurring theme. But, when I asked Jesus into my heart, He has wiped that slate clean from anything I have ever done wrong - and ever will do. He extended grace to me. He took my sins on Himself, so that I can be without sin. He didn't deserve to die on that cross. I don't deserve to have a clean slate. Jesus is Grace, perfect Grace.
Mama, we will never be able to give more grace to others than we have already received from Jesus Christ.
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you,
so that always having all sufficiency in everything,
you may have an abundance for every good deed.
God will give us grace, so that we will have it in abundance to give to others. I love that promise!
We're not in a grace competition with Jesus. Jesus just wants us to start. So let's start today to show grace to others. They might just end up so delighted that they ROFL!
Friday, February 10, 2012
DEFG
What would a site (that had anything to do with children) be without some cheesy, alphabetical acronym. So, as to not disappoint, I have just that for you! But before the big unveil, let's chat a bit.
Our kids can really drive us crazy, making us grow real gray hair quicker than you can pump it out of those delightful playdoh barber sets! So, what to do.
There are so many things that kids do that make us create new "mom faces" to get results, so how can I possible address all of them? Fortunately for me, that is not the goal of this blog. For, you see, I am just like you. I am a 36 year old mom with three kids ages 9, 6 and 4. So, I am in the thick of child-rearing with you. If I share ideas about what to do with kids in certain situations, just take them as that...ideas. Ideas that have helped me so far and may just help you. I'm hoping to hear your ideas as well as we get to know each other through the comment section of these posts.
I will use this blog to share with you what I have learned and continue to learn about controlling my anger as we raise these gifts from God that delight us with giggles, handmade cards, fingerprints on ornaments (and sometimes walls and always windows), but most of all love. They delight us with their love. My prayer is that as they continue to get older that they will delight in the love of the Lord as shown through our parenting.
Drumroll please.........
DEFG is the system that my husband and I use to control our anger when our kids are doing their shenanigans. Shenanigans is an important word. Shenanigans are like when a kid is being loud just to be loud, standing in front of the tv like a cat sits on the newspaper (just to block what you are most definitely looking at!), or being extra clingy, etc... You get the idea.
What I am about to share with you is not meant for those times when your children need discipline because of a behavior issue. Discipline issues should be disciplined. No doubt about it!
You see, at first glance, DEFG will l look like I am giving you child advice, but no, if you look closely I am sharing an anger control system. If we use our parenting skills instead of our angry emotions, most of the time we will get to our desired result without the guilt of negative emotions.
D=Distract (look over there! ok, you'll have to be more creative than this most of the time, but I know how creative moms are!)
E=Engage (yes, we should play with our children. A good game of hide-and-seek can totally change the feel of a morning!)
F=Feed (yes, healthy would be great and preferred, but don't be scared to break out the breakfast cookie every now and then as a super special treat!)
Moms (me included) often get angry because we are working without a system. Sure, we may know which day we will go grocery shopping, which day we will clean, when we will take our kidlings to the library or gymnastics or juggling (I'm sure juggling exists in some park district catalog somewhere!), but do we know WHAT we will do when our kids are not inline with the 100% perfect kid expectation we put on them every day when we start our day. Why is it we are surprised at their behavior? Why is it we actually think that they had major neuron attachings occur during those last 10 hours as they slept in their beds looking like cherubims?
Moms, it's time we all start our day not assuming the wost of our children, just planning for it. This is where DEFG comes in handy. Let's say Irma Jean is beginning to pick, pick, pick on her sister. We have told her 100 times x 100 times (that's 10,000 times. I know that cuz I just double checked it on excel. It's been a long day, how many zeroes can a mom possibly be expected to keep track of at 9:30 at night?) not to do pick on her sister, but here she is waiting for lecture 10,001. Rather than that, if the offense is not hurting the other child, try to either distract, engage or feed the child. So many times this works and we moms walk away feeling like Dr. Spock, Einstein and Super Nannny all rolled into 1 as the problem dissolves into the land of cheerios, chutes and ladders, or petting a chihuahua or whatever pet you may have on hand. As the problem dissolves, so does your anger.
Think it can't work? Give it a try. I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you.
Oh, wait Calming Mama blogger, you forgot G! G is your ace in the hole. First, give DEF a real try. Come on, be creative and put some effort into it.
If your anger meter is rising, don't burst. There's still one more thing you can do:
G=Go to your room
Most of the time, it will be the child and only the child who will be going to their room. This can be time for the child to pray and ask for God's help for self-control as well as learn a Bible verse that teaches them how to control themselves.
But, there have been times in this house where this mama also went to her room. This time in my room gives me time to pray. Time to thank God for the blessings He has entrusted to us. Time to remember that they are indeed blessings. Time to ask Jesus to make me a calming mama.
Our kids can really drive us crazy, making us grow real gray hair quicker than you can pump it out of those delightful playdoh barber sets! So, what to do.
There are so many things that kids do that make us create new "mom faces" to get results, so how can I possible address all of them? Fortunately for me, that is not the goal of this blog. For, you see, I am just like you. I am a 36 year old mom with three kids ages 9, 6 and 4. So, I am in the thick of child-rearing with you. If I share ideas about what to do with kids in certain situations, just take them as that...ideas. Ideas that have helped me so far and may just help you. I'm hoping to hear your ideas as well as we get to know each other through the comment section of these posts.
I will use this blog to share with you what I have learned and continue to learn about controlling my anger as we raise these gifts from God that delight us with giggles, handmade cards, fingerprints on ornaments (and sometimes walls and always windows), but most of all love. They delight us with their love. My prayer is that as they continue to get older that they will delight in the love of the Lord as shown through our parenting.
Drumroll please.........
DEFG is the system that my husband and I use to control our anger when our kids are doing their shenanigans. Shenanigans is an important word. Shenanigans are like when a kid is being loud just to be loud, standing in front of the tv like a cat sits on the newspaper (just to block what you are most definitely looking at!), or being extra clingy, etc... You get the idea.
What I am about to share with you is not meant for those times when your children need discipline because of a behavior issue. Discipline issues should be disciplined. No doubt about it!
You see, at first glance, DEFG will l look like I am giving you child advice, but no, if you look closely I am sharing an anger control system. If we use our parenting skills instead of our angry emotions, most of the time we will get to our desired result without the guilt of negative emotions.
D=Distract (look over there! ok, you'll have to be more creative than this most of the time, but I know how creative moms are!)
E=Engage (yes, we should play with our children. A good game of hide-and-seek can totally change the feel of a morning!)
F=Feed (yes, healthy would be great and preferred, but don't be scared to break out the breakfast cookie every now and then as a super special treat!)
Moms (me included) often get angry because we are working without a system. Sure, we may know which day we will go grocery shopping, which day we will clean, when we will take our kidlings to the library or gymnastics or juggling (I'm sure juggling exists in some park district catalog somewhere!), but do we know WHAT we will do when our kids are not inline with the 100% perfect kid expectation we put on them every day when we start our day. Why is it we are surprised at their behavior? Why is it we actually think that they had major neuron attachings occur during those last 10 hours as they slept in their beds looking like cherubims?
Moms, it's time we all start our day not assuming the wost of our children, just planning for it. This is where DEFG comes in handy. Let's say Irma Jean is beginning to pick, pick, pick on her sister. We have told her 100 times x 100 times (that's 10,000 times. I know that cuz I just double checked it on excel. It's been a long day, how many zeroes can a mom possibly be expected to keep track of at 9:30 at night?) not to do pick on her sister, but here she is waiting for lecture 10,001. Rather than that, if the offense is not hurting the other child, try to either distract, engage or feed the child. So many times this works and we moms walk away feeling like Dr. Spock, Einstein and Super Nannny all rolled into 1 as the problem dissolves into the land of cheerios, chutes and ladders, or petting a chihuahua or whatever pet you may have on hand. As the problem dissolves, so does your anger.
Think it can't work? Give it a try. I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you.
Oh, wait Calming Mama blogger, you forgot G! G is your ace in the hole. First, give DEF a real try. Come on, be creative and put some effort into it.
If your anger meter is rising, don't burst. There's still one more thing you can do:
G=Go to your room
Most of the time, it will be the child and only the child who will be going to their room. This can be time for the child to pray and ask for God's help for self-control as well as learn a Bible verse that teaches them how to control themselves.
But, there have been times in this house where this mama also went to her room. This time in my room gives me time to pray. Time to thank God for the blessings He has entrusted to us. Time to remember that they are indeed blessings. Time to ask Jesus to make me a calming mama.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.
along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
**Ephesians 4:31-32 (New International Reader's Version)
Get rid of all hard feelings, anger and rage. Stop all fighting and lying.
Put away every form of hatred. Be kind and tender to one another.
Forgive each other, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.
**This version is excellent for kids to learn and have them memorize
when they are having these kinds of issues.
Mama Love
Dear Mama,
It's me - your child. I may not be able to talk yet, but I can communicate with my cry. I may not be able to walk with my legs yet, but I can walk all over you. I may not be able to speak in sentences yet, but I can whine in paragraphs. I may not be able to read yet, but I can read the frustration on your face. I might not be able to write yet, but I can give you plenty to journal about.
I wish I could tell you what was wrong when I make you angry. I might be tired, I might be hungry, I might have gas (what's our family word for that anyway? Toot, fart, foof? I'm sure we'll get to that soon!) Anyway, truth is sometimes I don't know why I give you a fit either!
Know what helps me mama? When you stay calm. When you show me your love even if I can't show you mine.
I love you, mama.
Love,
Your Baby (Your "baby" may be 1 day old or 18 years old. Keep reading!)
**********************************************************************************
Wouldn't it be great if life stayed so innocent?
For us moms, innocent just doesn't always cut it. Let's face it, we might just be tired, we might be hungry. In fact, we might even have gas! Who's there to put us down for a nap, feed our hungry tummies and put some odd tasting medicine in our mouths to help us with our flatulence issue! (By the way, toot is the word we use in our house. But, bottom burp - yes, you heard me right! - was the word of choice from my childhood for this unspeakable, but often very smellable body function!)
This blog is here to answer that question (not what fart should be called by those with more class), but the question of WHO. Who is going to help us mommies with our needs?
Let's get to know this Person WHO can help us. Let's explore HOW this Person can help us. Let's explore WHERE we can go for help - immediately.
Jesus Christ is the WHO. Applying His truths and promises is the HOW. The Bible is WHERE we are going to find these answers.
So, come! Grab some coffee or tea and a bit of something yummy to eat and let's learn together (and have some fun along the way!) about how Jesus is perfect at Calming Mama!
It's me - your child. I may not be able to talk yet, but I can communicate with my cry. I may not be able to walk with my legs yet, but I can walk all over you. I may not be able to speak in sentences yet, but I can whine in paragraphs. I may not be able to read yet, but I can read the frustration on your face. I might not be able to write yet, but I can give you plenty to journal about.
I wish I could tell you what was wrong when I make you angry. I might be tired, I might be hungry, I might have gas (what's our family word for that anyway? Toot, fart, foof? I'm sure we'll get to that soon!) Anyway, truth is sometimes I don't know why I give you a fit either!
Know what helps me mama? When you stay calm. When you show me your love even if I can't show you mine.
I love you, mama.
Love,
Your Baby (Your "baby" may be 1 day old or 18 years old. Keep reading!)
**********************************************************************************
Wouldn't it be great if life stayed so innocent?
For us moms, innocent just doesn't always cut it. Let's face it, we might just be tired, we might be hungry. In fact, we might even have gas! Who's there to put us down for a nap, feed our hungry tummies and put some odd tasting medicine in our mouths to help us with our flatulence issue! (By the way, toot is the word we use in our house. But, bottom burp - yes, you heard me right! - was the word of choice from my childhood for this unspeakable, but often very smellable body function!)
This blog is here to answer that question (not what fart should be called by those with more class), but the question of WHO. Who is going to help us mommies with our needs?
Let's get to know this Person WHO can help us. Let's explore HOW this Person can help us. Let's explore WHERE we can go for help - immediately.
Jesus Christ is the WHO. Applying His truths and promises is the HOW. The Bible is WHERE we are going to find these answers.
So, come! Grab some coffee or tea and a bit of something yummy to eat and let's learn together (and have some fun along the way!) about how Jesus is perfect at Calming Mama!
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