Mamas, I had a wonderful talk with my oldest daughter today about science of all things. She described the joy and excitement she found as she got to experiment with electricity and magnets in her fourth grade classroom. She shared how fun it was to be allowed to make a mess with calcite and minerals as they studied rocks.
Then she said the following: "Sometimes it seems like adults pick things for kids to do based on how easy it is to clean up."
Hhmmm....I think she's on to something.
The electricity unit required batteries, wires, wrapping things around other things, placing a metal strip here or there and lots and lots of patience from the teacher. Rocks required messy minerals and calcite in powder form (is there any worse thing to work with when kids are involved...powder, really???), water, things to measure and stir with, and lots and lots of patience from the teacher.
But, she was elated. She was ecstatic. She was excited to learn more about science. She's excited to see what is coming next! She is making messy memories!
Mamas, these kiddos want to make a mess every now and and it's up to us to ENcourage it and not DIScourage it. I'm not talking about the aggravating messes (spilled milk, for example. And, YES, I really have cried over spilled milk!). I'm talking about crafts, paint and the dreaded playdoh! Yes, I also hate using a toothpick to get all that drying playdoh out of all of those little holes!
When we apply patience to the situation, we can make memories with our kids when we are willing to let them make a mess. They learn responsibility by helping to clean it up!
Done with the right attitude, "making a mess" can turn a very difficult behavior day into a memory filled day as we both distract and engage our kids!
Showing posts with label DEFG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DEFG. Show all posts
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
DEFG
What would a site (that had anything to do with children) be without some cheesy, alphabetical acronym. So, as to not disappoint, I have just that for you! But before the big unveil, let's chat a bit.
Our kids can really drive us crazy, making us grow real gray hair quicker than you can pump it out of those delightful playdoh barber sets! So, what to do.
There are so many things that kids do that make us create new "mom faces" to get results, so how can I possible address all of them? Fortunately for me, that is not the goal of this blog. For, you see, I am just like you. I am a 36 year old mom with three kids ages 9, 6 and 4. So, I am in the thick of child-rearing with you. If I share ideas about what to do with kids in certain situations, just take them as that...ideas. Ideas that have helped me so far and may just help you. I'm hoping to hear your ideas as well as we get to know each other through the comment section of these posts.
I will use this blog to share with you what I have learned and continue to learn about controlling my anger as we raise these gifts from God that delight us with giggles, handmade cards, fingerprints on ornaments (and sometimes walls and always windows), but most of all love. They delight us with their love. My prayer is that as they continue to get older that they will delight in the love of the Lord as shown through our parenting.
Drumroll please.........
DEFG is the system that my husband and I use to control our anger when our kids are doing their shenanigans. Shenanigans is an important word. Shenanigans are like when a kid is being loud just to be loud, standing in front of the tv like a cat sits on the newspaper (just to block what you are most definitely looking at!), or being extra clingy, etc... You get the idea.
What I am about to share with you is not meant for those times when your children need discipline because of a behavior issue. Discipline issues should be disciplined. No doubt about it!
You see, at first glance, DEFG will l look like I am giving you child advice, but no, if you look closely I am sharing an anger control system. If we use our parenting skills instead of our angry emotions, most of the time we will get to our desired result without the guilt of negative emotions.
D=Distract (look over there! ok, you'll have to be more creative than this most of the time, but I know how creative moms are!)
E=Engage (yes, we should play with our children. A good game of hide-and-seek can totally change the feel of a morning!)
F=Feed (yes, healthy would be great and preferred, but don't be scared to break out the breakfast cookie every now and then as a super special treat!)
Moms (me included) often get angry because we are working without a system. Sure, we may know which day we will go grocery shopping, which day we will clean, when we will take our kidlings to the library or gymnastics or juggling (I'm sure juggling exists in some park district catalog somewhere!), but do we know WHAT we will do when our kids are not inline with the 100% perfect kid expectation we put on them every day when we start our day. Why is it we are surprised at their behavior? Why is it we actually think that they had major neuron attachings occur during those last 10 hours as they slept in their beds looking like cherubims?
Moms, it's time we all start our day not assuming the wost of our children, just planning for it. This is where DEFG comes in handy. Let's say Irma Jean is beginning to pick, pick, pick on her sister. We have told her 100 times x 100 times (that's 10,000 times. I know that cuz I just double checked it on excel. It's been a long day, how many zeroes can a mom possibly be expected to keep track of at 9:30 at night?) not to do pick on her sister, but here she is waiting for lecture 10,001. Rather than that, if the offense is not hurting the other child, try to either distract, engage or feed the child. So many times this works and we moms walk away feeling like Dr. Spock, Einstein and Super Nannny all rolled into 1 as the problem dissolves into the land of cheerios, chutes and ladders, or petting a chihuahua or whatever pet you may have on hand. As the problem dissolves, so does your anger.
Think it can't work? Give it a try. I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you.
Oh, wait Calming Mama blogger, you forgot G! G is your ace in the hole. First, give DEF a real try. Come on, be creative and put some effort into it.
If your anger meter is rising, don't burst. There's still one more thing you can do:
G=Go to your room
Most of the time, it will be the child and only the child who will be going to their room. This can be time for the child to pray and ask for God's help for self-control as well as learn a Bible verse that teaches them how to control themselves.
But, there have been times in this house where this mama also went to her room. This time in my room gives me time to pray. Time to thank God for the blessings He has entrusted to us. Time to remember that they are indeed blessings. Time to ask Jesus to make me a calming mama.
Our kids can really drive us crazy, making us grow real gray hair quicker than you can pump it out of those delightful playdoh barber sets! So, what to do.
There are so many things that kids do that make us create new "mom faces" to get results, so how can I possible address all of them? Fortunately for me, that is not the goal of this blog. For, you see, I am just like you. I am a 36 year old mom with three kids ages 9, 6 and 4. So, I am in the thick of child-rearing with you. If I share ideas about what to do with kids in certain situations, just take them as that...ideas. Ideas that have helped me so far and may just help you. I'm hoping to hear your ideas as well as we get to know each other through the comment section of these posts.
I will use this blog to share with you what I have learned and continue to learn about controlling my anger as we raise these gifts from God that delight us with giggles, handmade cards, fingerprints on ornaments (and sometimes walls and always windows), but most of all love. They delight us with their love. My prayer is that as they continue to get older that they will delight in the love of the Lord as shown through our parenting.
Drumroll please.........
DEFG is the system that my husband and I use to control our anger when our kids are doing their shenanigans. Shenanigans is an important word. Shenanigans are like when a kid is being loud just to be loud, standing in front of the tv like a cat sits on the newspaper (just to block what you are most definitely looking at!), or being extra clingy, etc... You get the idea.
What I am about to share with you is not meant for those times when your children need discipline because of a behavior issue. Discipline issues should be disciplined. No doubt about it!
You see, at first glance, DEFG will l look like I am giving you child advice, but no, if you look closely I am sharing an anger control system. If we use our parenting skills instead of our angry emotions, most of the time we will get to our desired result without the guilt of negative emotions.
D=Distract (look over there! ok, you'll have to be more creative than this most of the time, but I know how creative moms are!)
E=Engage (yes, we should play with our children. A good game of hide-and-seek can totally change the feel of a morning!)
F=Feed (yes, healthy would be great and preferred, but don't be scared to break out the breakfast cookie every now and then as a super special treat!)
Moms (me included) often get angry because we are working without a system. Sure, we may know which day we will go grocery shopping, which day we will clean, when we will take our kidlings to the library or gymnastics or juggling (I'm sure juggling exists in some park district catalog somewhere!), but do we know WHAT we will do when our kids are not inline with the 100% perfect kid expectation we put on them every day when we start our day. Why is it we are surprised at their behavior? Why is it we actually think that they had major neuron attachings occur during those last 10 hours as they slept in their beds looking like cherubims?
Moms, it's time we all start our day not assuming the wost of our children, just planning for it. This is where DEFG comes in handy. Let's say Irma Jean is beginning to pick, pick, pick on her sister. We have told her 100 times x 100 times (that's 10,000 times. I know that cuz I just double checked it on excel. It's been a long day, how many zeroes can a mom possibly be expected to keep track of at 9:30 at night?) not to do pick on her sister, but here she is waiting for lecture 10,001. Rather than that, if the offense is not hurting the other child, try to either distract, engage or feed the child. So many times this works and we moms walk away feeling like Dr. Spock, Einstein and Super Nannny all rolled into 1 as the problem dissolves into the land of cheerios, chutes and ladders, or petting a chihuahua or whatever pet you may have on hand. As the problem dissolves, so does your anger.
Think it can't work? Give it a try. I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you.
Oh, wait Calming Mama blogger, you forgot G! G is your ace in the hole. First, give DEF a real try. Come on, be creative and put some effort into it.
If your anger meter is rising, don't burst. There's still one more thing you can do:
G=Go to your room
Most of the time, it will be the child and only the child who will be going to their room. This can be time for the child to pray and ask for God's help for self-control as well as learn a Bible verse that teaches them how to control themselves.
But, there have been times in this house where this mama also went to her room. This time in my room gives me time to pray. Time to thank God for the blessings He has entrusted to us. Time to remember that they are indeed blessings. Time to ask Jesus to make me a calming mama.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.
along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
**Ephesians 4:31-32 (New International Reader's Version)
Get rid of all hard feelings, anger and rage. Stop all fighting and lying.
Put away every form of hatred. Be kind and tender to one another.
Forgive each other, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.
**This version is excellent for kids to learn and have them memorize
when they are having these kinds of issues.
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