The Disheveled Man's Book Review

I don't know about you, but I really appreciate a good book review.  There are many places to get book reviews:
1.  Friends
2.  Family
3.  Favorite Magazine
4.  Book Review Journal (I would be impressed with anyone who actually uses this method!)
5.  Internet
6.  Spying on what others are reading while waiting for kids' activities or doctor appointments
7.  A Disheveled Man

Wait, Disheveled Man...what in the world am I talking about?  Read on...

It was about the year 2000 and I was working at a Christian bookstore.  Now I was used to people asking me if I had read the book they were holding.  Of course, they were hoping to hear a personal review that would make them feel better about parting with the money that seemed very content in their wallet.

There were also times where people decided that the store was their own personal book club hoping to entertain us for blocks of time with a detailed synopsis of their book and how we should be sure it was the next book we would read.  Usually, these customers were women, in their 30's or early 40's, with kids, who were just enjoying some adult conversation wherever they could get it!  (I didn't get that concept then as a married without kids 20-something, but I get it now!)

And then there was the day the Disheveled Man came in.  Unkempt in his appearance, he began to speak to me about a book.  A book that changed his life and, no, it was not the Bible.  He had a different book in mind.  He said to me, "This book changed my life.  If you are ever looking for a book to change your life, this is the one you should get."  The book he was referring to was "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil Anderson.

I didn't give this man or his book any more thought once he left the store.  Other than his scraggly appearance, there was nothing unusual about customers recommending their books to the employees of the store.

Well, about 3 years later, my life was in crises.  I had come to grips with the fact that I had an anger problem that needed to be addressed.  Anger was affecting my life in many ways.  I began to go to Christian counseling.  While I was going through counseling, the Disheveled Man was brought back to mind and, unbelievably, I actually remembered the title to the book!  I read this book - and it did change my life.

I will never know for sure, but I must tell you that I wonder if I met an angel that day.  So unassuming, so easy to castoff in my mind, so easy to unintentionally throw into a stereotype of a less-than-review-worthy person.  Yet, it was THIS person that I remembered 3 years later.  It was the book that HE suggested that I was so easily able to recall.  It was THIS book that God used to jump start the changes that so desperately needed to happen.

This is not to say that this book is more life-changing than the Bible.  That can never and will never be true.  Rather, this book is filled with Scripture.  I was unable to apply the Bible to my life in the ways necessary to evoke change.  This book used Scripture to make the point.

The point is this:  If our identity is in Christ, then if all else is stripped away, we will be fine.  We will be better than fine - we will be blessed and filled and over-flowing with the Holy Spirit!  We will experience love.  We will experience joy.  We will experience peace.  We will experience patience.  We will experience kindness.  We will experience goodness.  We will experience faithfulness.  We will experience gentleness.  We will experience self-control.

This is an area that I have to consciously ask God to help me with:  keeping my identity in Christ.  It is so easy to believe that life will rule our Christ.  That we will do what we want in life and He can have full reign over what is left - if there is anything left at all. The only way it works is to have Christ rule our life.

No matter what happens in life, Christ is ruling my life.  I must submit to Him.  I must be obedient to Him.  I must have faith that He will do what He promises to do:  Love me, care for me, keep me safe and secure in His arms, show me His plans for my life which include plans to give me a hope a future.

Mamas, we must have faith and believe that He is who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do! 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Galatians 5:22-23a

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,

 goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, self-control;

I Need a Bandaid!

"I Need a Bandaid" could easily be up for consideration for the motto that best reflects childhood.  Why is that?  Think about it.  That short sentence sums up these things about this young time of life:

1.  Kids often get hurt when they play
2.  Kids are dramatic
3.  Kids' problems are often easily fixed
4.  Kids take risks - often unwise risks
5.  Kids lie many times or at the very least exaggerate the truth
6.  Kids crave attention
7.  Kids are excellent communicators
8.  Kids are great at persuasive speech (whining/increasing drama till they were us down)
9.  Kids require and demand love

I have put bandaids on marker stains, ketchup stains and other mysterious reddish-colored stains on fingers, knees, toes, and even faces.  Yes, there have even been a few instances where I have put bandaids over real blood.  Not a gush of blood, thankfully, but a mere drop or two of blood.

Sometimes even the incessant requests for bandaids can put us mothers over the edge.  Sure, putting bandages on knees is tender and sweet for awhile.  But very shortly, it becomes aggravating because in order for the child to get the bandaid, I need to stop what I am doing and go to where I am not and put a bandaid on an ouchie that usually doesn't exist.  The whole thing is maddening - to me, at least!

But, if I am willing to stop, get the bandaids and apply it to the marker stain that the child is convinced is a life-ending injury, I will receive a gift.  A gift of love.  A hug.  A kiss.  That easily, I am able to fill a need for my child.

Mama, I don't know about you, but I love unexpected gifts!

Are we mamas really so different?  I don't know about you, but I need Jesus' love shown to me if I even think I'm hurting.  Maybe I have a speck of hurt and bad feelings because I feel that I could have handled a situation with my kids in a better way.  Maybe I have the stain of guilt for being impatient with their childish antics.  Maybe I'm hurt - the deep, down with staying power kind of hurt, because I feel defeated at parenting on a particular day.

Mamas, what is wonderful about Jesus is that He will consistently apply His bandaid of love for us every time.  We don't have to whine, we don't have to beg, we don't have to prove to Him that our injury is real.  Real or not, Jesus will love us so that we can heal.  Heal our hearts.  Heal our lack of confidence.  Heal our lack of patience.  Heal our anger.

Mamas, isn't it wonderful to sit back and be loved?  If Jesus is your personal Savior, it is happening right now!

 Psalm 103:8
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

DEFG

What would a site (that had anything to do with children) be without some cheesy, alphabetical acronym.  So, as to not disappoint, I have just that for you!  But before the big unveil, let's chat a bit.

Our kids can really drive us crazy, making us grow real gray hair quicker than you can pump it out of those delightful playdoh barber sets!  So, what to do.

There are so many things that kids do that make us create new "mom faces" to get results, so how can I possible address all of them?  Fortunately for me, that is not the goal of this blog.  For, you see, I am just like you.  I am a 36 year old mom with three kids ages 9, 6 and 4.  So, I am in the thick of child-rearing with you.  If I share ideas about what to do with kids in certain situations, just take them as that...ideas.  Ideas that have helped me so far and may just help you.  I'm hoping to hear your ideas as well as we get to know each other through the comment section of these posts.

I will use this blog to share with you what I have learned and continue to learn about controlling my anger as we raise these gifts from God that delight us with giggles, handmade cards, fingerprints on ornaments (and sometimes walls and always windows), but most of all love.  They delight us with their love.  My prayer is that as they continue to get older that they will delight in the love of the Lord as shown through our parenting.

Drumroll please.........
DEFG is the system that my husband and I use to control our anger when our kids are doing their shenanigans.  Shenanigans is an important word.  Shenanigans are like when a kid is being loud just to be loud, standing in front of the tv like a cat sits on the newspaper (just to block what you are most definitely looking at!), or being extra clingy, etc... You get the idea.

What I am about to share with you is not meant for those times when your children need discipline because of a behavior issue.  Discipline issues should be disciplined.  No doubt about it!

You see, at first glance, DEFG will l look like I am giving you child advice, but no, if you look closely I am sharing an anger control system.  If we use our parenting skills instead of our angry emotions, most of the time we will get to our desired result without the guilt of negative emotions.  

D=Distract  (look over there! ok, you'll have to be more creative than this most of the time, but I know how creative moms are!)

E=Engage  (yes, we should play with our children.  A good game of hide-and-seek can totally change the feel of a morning!)

F=Feed (yes, healthy would be great and preferred, but don't be scared to break out the breakfast cookie every now and then as a super special treat!)

Moms (me included) often get angry because we are working without a system.  Sure, we may know which day we will go grocery shopping, which day we will clean, when we will take our kidlings to the library or gymnastics or juggling (I'm sure juggling exists in some park district catalog somewhere!), but do we know WHAT we will do when our kids are not inline with the 100% perfect kid expectation we put on them every day when we start our day.  Why is it we are surprised at their behavior?  Why is it we actually think that they had major neuron attachings occur during those last 10 hours as they slept in their beds looking like cherubims?

Moms, it's time we all start our day not assuming the wost of our children, just planning for it.  This is where DEFG comes in handy.  Let's say Irma Jean is beginning to pick, pick, pick on her sister.  We have told her 100 times x 100 times (that's 10,000 times.  I know that cuz I just double checked it on excel.  It's been a long day, how many zeroes can a mom possibly be expected to keep track of at 9:30 at night?) not to do pick on her sister, but here she is waiting for lecture 10,001.  Rather than that, if the offense is not hurting the other child, try to either distract, engage or feed the child.  So many times this works and we moms walk away feeling like Dr. Spock, Einstein and Super Nannny all rolled into 1 as the problem dissolves into the land of cheerios, chutes and ladders, or petting a chihuahua or whatever pet you may have on hand.  As the problem dissolves, so does your anger.

Think it can't work?  Give it a try.  I'd be interested to hear how it goes for you.

Oh, wait Calming Mama blogger, you forgot G!  G is your ace in the hole.  First, give DEF a real try.  Come on, be creative and put some effort into it.

If your anger meter is rising, don't burst.  There's still one more thing you can do:
G=Go to your room

Most of the time, it will be the child and only the child who will be going to their room.  This can be time for the child to pray and ask for God's help for self-control as well as learn a Bible verse that teaches them how to control themselves.

But, there have been times in this house where this mama also went to her room.  This time in my room gives me time to pray.  Time to thank God for the blessings He has entrusted to us.  Time to remember that they are indeed blessings.  Time to ask Jesus to make me a calming mama.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 
along with every form of malice. 

 Be kind and compassionate to one another,

 forgiving each other,  just as in Christ God forgave you. 

**Ephesians 4:31-32 (New International Reader's Version)

Get rid of all hard feelings, anger and rage. Stop all fighting and lying. 

Put away every form of hatred.  Be kind and tender to one another. 

Forgive each other, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done.

**This version is excellent for kids to learn and have them memorize

 when they are having these kinds of issues.